Illusions are what we are

1. My government-registered name is Tan Jiawei. It’s Chinese, like 陈家伟. My unofficial English name is Adam Xander Cavell Tan.

2. I live in the sunny island of Singapore, with rain that falls inconsistently throughout the year.

3. I’m currently in Saint Andrew’s Junior College, a Year 2 student. Taking H2 Chemistry, Economics and Mathematics, with H1 General Paper and Physics.

4. I’m single. Not surprising. Neither have I had my first kiss, considering I want it to be the most romantic thing in the world.

I remember when we used to be together. I was the one who always felt you were alone, that’s why I held on to you so much. Now, come to think of it, it feels like I’m the lonely one after all. But in the end, it feels we didn’t let go of each other yet. There is still that diamond thread that ties us together, leaving only the mark of what was, and never will be again.

Day one of band camp has ended, and gosh, it’s starting to feel like Secondary School camp.

But what’s frustrating is, a number of things that annoy me:

BAND ROOM AIRCON IS NOT FREAKING WORKING! :( It’s not working anymore!! RIGHT BEFORE BAND CAMP STARTED TOO! :( What blasphemy.

I’m not in the same room with Danial or Danial! I’m 1/3 of the J2s supposedly in my room, and Jia Jun’s sick, while Syafiq has comm meeting every night.

NO JERAMYN! THIS IS LIKE THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO CAMP, CAUSE STUDENT COUNCIL IS HAVING THEIR CAMP TOO, BUT HE’S NOT HERE! :( And I was gonna make friends with him too. :(

However, certain things worked out pretty well for now.

I’m no pedophile, but at least I’m in the same room as Yong Xun and Aik Tuck. :P Two of cutest dudes in J1. But underaged uh. :/

I have one junior. Who isn’t that bad, so teaching him isn’t going to be too difficult.

I did an Econs essay, which is fulfilling since I don’t do any of her work at all.

So yea, that’s what first day was like. I wonder what today will be like, considering we’re gonna have village band prac at SAS today. YAY! But I don’t like Brando Tan!!!

1. I’m hardly a committed person. I told him about the crushes I’ve been having, and he constantly reminds me about Dominic. I, then, constantly remind myself he doesn’t want a relationship. He’s just my really really lovely friend. I’m not a slut! :(

2. I’ve been too quick to judge people. I told him about all the happenings in school, bitching about people I’ve only encountered once. I plan to change that, but the J1s seriously need to provide respect.

3. I think too lowly of myself. I doubt myself too much. Complaining about band to him only makes me feel more insecure about my playing skill, and he thinks I’m just fine.

4. I tend to drone on and on. This didn’t come as a surprise. I tend to talk to someone via What’s App, and just talk about anything me-centric for a whole lot of the time.

5. I tend to flirt too hard too fast. Little old me can’t help but to flirt with him, not cause he’s hot (he is, really), but cause I don’t realise how sexual I can become.

6. I avoid conflict against me by promoting conflict on others. I’m a horrible person. A cowardice. I know. I need to be brave, and eradicate all conflict.

7. I tend to get clingy in a relationship. I’m emotionally distraught when it comes to anyone I really like. I tend to play out scenarios that only happen in fairy tales. I tend to get emotional and jealous too easily.

8. I lie a lot. I admit to this. I lie a bunch of times just to be interesting. He pointed out that he knows when I’m lying, and when I’m not. I did, however, not lie through out my whole H2H with him. *proud*

In the end, I sincerely hope I’ll change for the better. And for that one person, I really wish you would have feelings for me. I don’t want to be the person who gets rejected, again.

Or so I think. Haha.

Bitch please. I most probably flirted with you for more than 10times, and if you’re cute, 10times more. ;)

I can’t help that I’m so sexual. Haha.

Technically, I was born at 10:03am on the 7th of Frebuary, 1994, Singapore time, GMT+8.

That is all.

On Valentine’s Day, I go out with my friends and have a sushi buffet. For two years already, it’s been this tradition, and I’m not gonna stop there.

This year, I haven’t found the friends to go out with, cause it’s a Tuesday, and most probably on a diet already. But nothing beats eating sashimi after school.

So, who’s up for it? (My Valentine’s not free anyway.)

If you wanted normal, I’m not.

I’m not in it for the money. I do a job cause it is fun, not that I get paid a lot.

My boss likes me, and his only incentive for getting me to work there again is more money, but I can’t afford to work there, cause my grades are falling.

Even if he’s willing to pay for my tuition fees, I have no time.

Time is all I want, and I don’t have.

[ I just felt the urge to type about my day, coz I couldn’t share it with anyone else, coz they are all out partying their brains away. ;D ]

I mean ‘fucking’ in the nicest sense possible, because my day was actually very good today. (I’m vulgar, so what? Sue me!)

Anyways, the day started out with PE. We did circuit training, which I finished quite fast, and ran 8x400m. Like what the fuck, 2minutes per round. Seriously?! I finish it in 19minutes though. Walked the whole of 7th round. But I’m actually quite proud I never gave up and stopped. Walking was good enough for the teacher.

Right after that, we went to the Caffe, and Mr Chee Kam came over. He asked me when I’m gonna start losing weight, but I am already. Lost 1kg already. :D Anyways, he said I would look better than average looking if I took my braces off, and cleared my pimples. :D (And of course lose more weight) I’m happy because of that! :D

Next, I had to rush to bathe before next class. It was the best goddamn shower I had in school. The cold water rushing off my skin. UNF! Then I went to find Soon Tze, and hugged him. :D He told me my shampoo smelled great, considering he had a blocked nose, which meant my shampoo was quite strong. (And I ruffled his hair again, though he made me wash my hands do I won’t get sick)

After that, it was blah. Econs tutorial made me learn some stuff, which was really understandable.

Then it was Physics. And we had MSA. Like what the fuck, totally dunnoe which method was correct, so I just screwed the paper over. Mdm Hoh’s gonna be mad.

After that, we rushed to the CC, where most of the H1Econs cohort finished their MSA. We had ours after. It was the easiest Econs paper I did, but damn, I disn’t study for it, so those that needed Economic explanations, was a straight 0.

The break after that, we went McDonald’s and gossiped about this couple in school, where the boy’s a big fucking dick, while the girl was being manipulated by the boyfriend. Anyways, all I can say is that they should just break up, and have him lose all his fucking ego. (Wei Xiang, I think you know who.)

Coming back was a Chem quiz, which wasn’t all that bad, considering I managed to get the concept of Alcoholic Carboxylic Acid and it’s own similar-molecular esterification. But I still managed to barely get hem all correct. But hey, it wasn’t that bad. :D

After that, I thought I was late for band, so I rushed off, but went to the Caffe to chat with my friends first. The gossips and jokes we shared was the most interesting we shared, and they were ultra funny.

Well anyways, band went on as normal. James was being assertive QM over me, which was cute. Haha. Coz he quite the joker, and seeing him be serious made him look damn cute. He’s my elder bro lurhs ok? Nothing else. ;D

Anyways, band was, as I said, normal, which meant boring, but it was better than Wednesday. I should run everyday to train my lungs.

Well, that was my day. Thanks for reading all the way here. I love you, followers! <3

Today was a broadly up and down and up day.

Rev. sang The Lazy Song for Chapel this morning. Epic awesome much!!

Then there was the dreaded maths test. All I can say was I managed to do the questions I couldn’t do for promos, but didn’t do those I could.

After that, we went to the Joan Bowen Cafe. :D

Apparently, it’s a Cafe where the waiters and waitresses are autistic people. And there’s one in St. Andrew’s Village. :D

The food was good, but one problem though.

IT WAS FREAKING EXPENSIVE! Aglio Olio Mushroom Spaghetti, Rosemary and Lemon Chicken, and Fish and Chips are $11 each! :(

$11 gone, but I think it’s well spent, since it’s like, going to them as well.

Then there was GP. Moses went ballistic coz we couldn’t answer his questions properly. Who knew ‘discrimination’ was a good word, meaning distinction. :D

Anywas, I don’t know whether I’m staying up to study Econs, or just wing it tomorrow, but I’m definitely reading up on Physics. Not gonna break my A streak. :D

Took me two months to get to it, but I’ve made my decision. It’s not that I don’t want to be with you anymore, it’s that I just think it’s better for you that we don’t. I also think it wasn’t meant to be. I can’t change you as a person. It wouldn’t be right. It also has something to do with being an only child, and being Catholic, but I won’t go there. I’m gonna be outright and say it was both our faults. Can’t deny it. I still miss you with all my heart, and you’re probably the only person I miss so much. Maybe it’s because I fell in love with someone else, that even has the possibility he likes me back, but who’s to say it will work out. Ultimately, I’m putting the decision on you. Either get together, or just become friends. Losing you is not one of my options. You’re not just a lost friend, but you’re the lost love of my life.

I haven’t done any work this weekend. Never took my books out of my bag. What the actual fuck am I gonna do with my life? Nothing. :(

My friend from France, well actually, born in Italy, but parents made him French citizenship, is here to stay for 2 weeks with Isaac or I, whenever we don’t have school.

The first thing he told me was that I looked like I had not slept for days. And that my hair was long. Great, so he didn’t miss me. Haha.

Anyways, been brushing up on my French, though I think the sentence structure is all gone.

Il ne peut pas me enseigner le français en tout cas. Il est trop occupé à sortir avec sa copine. Mais il m’a acheté une Donald de Disneyland Paris. Je suis super content. Je veux aller DisneyLand Paris un jour!

Haha. Anyways, I’ll try to keep my blog updated with reblogs when I can, but recently, I have been having overdue work to complete for school. And it’s Chinese New Year soon, which means MSAs are here. Wish my school didn’t have to be so hardworking.

Cya guys real soon. Bye!